I am in Love…With Myself
October 1st, 2025
Photo: Ryan Carter
Writer: Tessa Tacoma
Editor: Ryan Carter
Having a crush brings out a completely different side of me. I’ll douse myself in my favorite Burberry Her perfume, spend an extra fifteen minutes curling my hair, and maybe even take the long way to class just for the chance of bumping into him. Then, when the crush blossoms into a boyfriend, the rituals multiply. I’ll bake him banana bread, gush over the pink roses he left at my doorstep, and finally shave my legs. These chapters of life cause me to feel undeniably feminine: I’m smiley, I’m giddy, and I feel just like a cinematic princess! But lately I’ve been wondering: why does it take him to unlock that version of me?
One weekend of my sophomore year, I somehow had my whole apartment to myself. While flipping a chocolate chip pancake and blasting Ariana Grande’s eternal sunshine, it suddenly hit me, “What’s the point in dousing myself in this Burberry Her perfume, or shaving my legs if no one else will notice?” That thought lingered and unsettled me, causing me to realize how much of myself I’d kept tucked away, waiting for it to attract someone else’s attention. I realized that my “crush behavior” is really just me exhibiting and embracing the best version of myself. So, if that is the case, why not embrace it every day, with no “crush” needed?
I started to focus my energy inward. I spritz perfume before bed, even if no one will smell it, because I do. I buy yellow and orange tulips for myself and thoughtfully arrange them in a vase, because I like them. I write notes of encouragement and slip them into the pages of my own notebooks, because I can. I take myself out for coffee, order the over-the-top drink, and savor it with intent, because I want to.
There’s something radical and freeing about realizing you don’t need a crush to activate your excitement in small things. Loving yourself differs from loving anyone else because you are the most important person. This love is important, permanent, and yours alone. It inspires romantic love, teaching you what it feels like to be valued so you can recognize and receive it, too.
So yes, I’ll still bake the banana bread, but this time not just for him. For me, too. I’ll still blush when he brings me flowers, but I’ll still get them for myself, too. With this mindset, I move through my routines with a kind of certainty, no longer rationing happiness or saving my best for someone else’s attention. The self-love that I have discovered has turned my crush-dependent life into a life of vibrance, authenticity, and beauty–and I’m just getting started.
