Whistleblower: Exposing the Impact of a Toxic Coach
April 17th, 2025
Writer: Emily Carlisle
Editor: Carly Anderson
For most of my childhood, my springs and summers were centered around softball. I can still remember long evenings at the field, playing catch with my sister while my dad cleaned up the field after coaching practice. I lived for opening day, sunflower seeds, and the bumpy feeling of a new softball’s stitches under my fingers. Although I had played some tough teams, it wasn’t until I had been playing softball for nearly seven years that I was faced with my biggest opponent. However, this challenge wasn’t simply a rival Little League team or an especially talented pitcher. It was someone who had the power to change the way that I viewed the sport I had played for my entire life, not to mention my self-worth: my high school coach.
As an eager freshman, desperate to prove myself on Varsity, I threw myself wholeheartedly into practice, always being the first one on the field and the last to leave. At first, I dismissed the occasional insult or thrown glove for a display of our coach’s passion, but it didn’t take very long to realize that what I took for normal freshman hazing and “tough love” from our coach was emotional abuse. Practices often ended with him screaming and cursing at the team, whether it was for our performance, attitudes, or simply not understanding a drill. Our coach was hunting for our weaknesses, and I found myself caught with a target on my back.
For unknown reasons, my coach decided to single me out of our entire team. Though his short temper led to outbursts towards everyone, it seemed as if he especially detested me and had no problem showing it. Although I wasn’t an exceptional player, I was passionate and talented, having played for most of my childhood. For the nearly four years that I played for him, I powered through hurled insults and offensive remarks, determined that if I worked hard enough, I could someday earn my rightful spot. However, over time, my love for softball began to dwindle. What once was a sport that gave me passion and purpose became a source of dread and doubt in my self-esteem.
Despite this negative feeling, I knew that deep down I still loved the sport. I was determined not to let my coach ruin it. By my senior year, it seemed as if he was out to break me, and I made it my primary goal to show him that he couldn’t. I ran punishment laps with a smile on my face, cheered on teammates from the dugout, and did extra sit-ups just to prove that I could. It wasn’t until I began to leave every game crying that I realized that the mental toll that this silent fight was taking on me was no longer worth it. After tons of consideration, I made the tough decision to quit halfway through my senior season. I showed up to practice, told my coach exactly what I thought of his treatment of me, dropped my gear, and walked away from the field of ten years of dedication. Though district, athletic, and school administrators were consulted, his berating had remained unchecked. Although it was a hard decision, it ultimately was the right one for my mental and physical well-being.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t until after quitting softball that I began to regain my love for it. Now that I no longer associate softball with punishment and beratement, I was able to enjoy attending my sister’s games, volunteering at youth league practices, and watching the college softball championship. Cutting the tie I had with playing the game allowed me to take back agency of the way that I perceived both the sport and my self-value. Abusive coaches have an immense impact on young athletes, especially during formative years when kids must have a positive mentor. Unfortunately, my story is just one mild example of the effects of a toxic coach. Some players on every level take drastic measures–including quitting or even suicide–to escape the pressure of an intense and abusive coach or program. For that reason, I’ve recognized the importance of finding the courage to step up to the plate and speak out against the real impact of sports coaches. Though this experience threw a curveball in my plans to continue with softball, it emphasizes how character and integrity are far more important than any number a scoreboard could ever display.
