My Values, Rooted in Fears
October 6th, 2025
Photo: Ryan Carter
Writer: Lainey Morello
Editor: Grace Hemming
If you were to ask me what my core values are, I could rattle them off in seconds: personal growth, friendship, and fulfillment. But if you were to ask me about the origins of these values, I might just have a harder time answering that question.
A little over a week ago, I was prompted to think about the answer to that question. Not only why they are important to me, but how they became so important, and why these three values stood above the rest.
“What if…”, the question loomed on the screen during my lecture, “...your core values are rooted in fear?” My engagement with prompts like these is genuine in the context of the class, but I don't often carry these concepts back home with me. Something about this question sat differently with me, though. The instructor warned us that the content in class that day “might get a little deep”, but I didn't expect such a gut punch.
After the question hit me, though, the ideas in my head started racing. The wheels were turning and revelations were brewing. I turned to discuss some of my initial thoughts with my classmates, but my final answer to the question wasn't satisfactory. On my way home from class that day, thoughts of my unfinished answer flooded out of my brain and into my trusted notes app. After 3 and ½ minutes of frantic typing, I had a concrete answer to the question “what if your core values are rooted in fear?”
Personal Growth: The ability for me to grow, learn, and evolve has become particularly special to me in recent years. Why? Well, before I was prompted to think about this in class, my vague answer sat between the lines of never wanting to settle, and always striving for more. But WHY? Why do I feel the need to constantly grow, constantly develop new skills, constantly be better? Simply put, this value of mine is rooted in my biggest fear of all time: the fear of not being good enough.
I've always been so hypercritical of myself. I've always felt the need to gain a new skill or acquire a new perspective, which has had an opposite and often negative impact on my life. In an attempt to reframe this negativity, my value of personal growth has sprouted from the ground and has been growing strong ever since.
Friendship: In high school, if you were to ask me about my core values, I can guarantee that friendship was not one of them. I never had a big friend group or people I could truly rely on before I got to college. But, since then, I have created friendships that are beyond special to me, which makes me cherish them all the more. These connections are invaluable, and my ability to make new friends has become one of my favorite parts of the person I am becoming. But why do I value my relationships with others so much? Why don't I place the same value on the relationship I have with myself? It all comes down to my fear of being lonely, my fear of being alone when I need someone the most.
Fulfillment: Enjoyment, pleasure, satisfaction– however you want to define fulfillment– finding joy in each day and making the most of my experiences has become a vital part of my wellbeing. Just a few years ago, “having fun” was the least of my priorities. I always felt that everything I did– every lacrosse game I played in, every interaction I had, every assignment I turned in needed to have a bigger purpose. “Having fun” just wasn't cutting it. While I still try to do all things with intention, “having fun” has looped its way into my list of purposes. It's a miserable life when you can't let yourself enjoy it, at least that's what I have come to learn.
Once again, I am prompted to think about the origins of why having fun and finding joy in my life is so important to me. I value enjoyment and feeling fulfilled because I have a crippling fear of missing out. I fear that one day I will look back at my experiences, especially those in college, and feel immense amounts of regret for not prioritizing joy.
Since that fateful day, I haven't stopped thinking about this idea. I can't help but think about all my morals, my beliefs, and my life lessons as a result of the things that scare me the most.
What was once just a textbox on a slide deck has permanently infiltrated the way I think about myself. I have been able to reframe some of my most daunting thoughts simply based on a class activity.
