I Watch Your Life in Pictures Like I Used to Watch You Sleep
November 3rd, 2025
Photo: Libby Zufi
Writer: Grace Heller
Editor: Sam Robertson
My phone buzzes. I pick it up and notice that my twin sister Tess sent me a picture. It shows Tess, her roommate, and two other people going to an event together. I zoom in on the faces of the two other people; I do not recognize them. I type out, “Who are those people?” But I deleted the message before sending it. I notice that they are all dressed in some sort of theme. Instead, I send, “Where are you going?” as I don’t want to seem overly curious or invested in her life. As I stare at the picture some more, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach; seeing her so happy almost makes me sad. For the first time in my life, I've never felt more disconnected from her life.
I knew that us going to separate colleges would mean that most of her friends would be people I did not know and that most of the places she went would be places I had never been. Despite anticipating this newfound disconnect, I still find it uncanny that I now have to communicate with Tess through pictures and FaceTime, when her room used to be directly next to mine. I used to roll my eyes at the thought of having to coordinate schedules or her coming into my room to discuss the same situation for the hundredth time. I used to complain that we had to share everything, from clothes to our car and our friends.
Now, I cannot help but continually ask when we will see each other next. I pester her for more pictures, Facetimes, or anything to feel more included in her new life. I get excited when she has a new story to tell, even though at home I used to get annoyed when she would rant about the same thing again and again.
Going from the same friend group, classes, and home to grasping for little details about each other’s lives definitely takes some getting used to. She used to know everything about my life; she could recount all the conversations, people, or situations, big or small, of my day. Now, I have to introduce her to all of my closest friends and even the coffee shops I go to every single day.
However, being apart has allowed me to grow as an individual. Most people at college don’t even know me as “one of the Heller twins,” but as Grace. My qualities are not used as a foil to hers, but are simply mine. I am no longer known as the twin who is worse at math and better at English, but just as someone who enjoys writing. While being known as a twin definitely enriched my identity, I felt that a part of my individuality was lost in being known as almost half of a whole.
Despite being a huge adjustment, this new experience has allowed me to fully appreciate the time we spend together. Over fall break, doing the things I previously deemed mundane or trivial were what I truly cherished, and I especially appreciated going to our favorite coffee shop and doing work. Walking the same trail that we used to do without any thought was one of the best things I did all break. While being apart from Tess has been sad and difficult, it has brought me greater appreciation for the same inside jokes, pastimes, and shared identity that I used to take for granted, while also allowing me to grow individually.
